Not your cup of tea

I always thought that one never care about my feelings, why did he do this to me and shit while I’m the one who makes mistakes and he’s the one that is hurting, more than me. I hurt him and i let my stupid self thinking that he is being mean to me. That’s stupid. I am an idiot, no doubt. Besides all the arguments, he still checking up on me but I don’t know that he’s suffering from my actions. All I could think is oh he said bad things to me he doesn’t feel shit because he’s not in my shoes blah, blah, blah. But have I ever putting myself in his shoes? Have I ever considered why did he do that to me? No. I told him that he is selfish but the truth is, I am. I am the worst self-centered bitch. I was so caught up with myself i put the blame on him for giving up. That is not right and no one in their right mind would do that. I am surrounded with my emotions and that’s fucked up. I feel shitty. And for that, I am so sorry.

I used to have so many thought inside my head. Jumbled around, trying to get out. Yeah, I jump from thought to thought, desperate to find a meaning. I have so many thoughts inside my head but I have nobody to share them with. I'm afraid of telling people what I feel. These thoughts need to get out. They need to be released, somehow. So, I just write them here, in my blog and hope that someone will actually listen. You never know what its like getting up every morning feeling hopeless. Nay, you do know what it feels like? Horrible. well, it's actually amazing how those unhelpful thoughts suddenly gone now. it's maybe because I am blessed with my life after the hardship I've been through so much these past few months. I have learnt a lot from the past, I guess. it helps me to be forgiven, learn to let go and live the life. you will feel better because I am. Major thanks to him, he helps a lot during the journey. I appreciate that so much. He never give up on me. 

Hello there. Since i reverted all my old posts into the drafts, it smells like a new blog and a new life. So yeay and yes it has been ages since I last stopping by here, knocking my keyboard and also pour my heart out. ok, i'm just kidding. Surprisingly, life has been so good at the moment. I can't even believe it myself but yeah, it is. It's actually true when it comes to avoiding dramas and your life will be better. I am now avoiding all of that at any cost although I might be in one someday. Well, let's just hope it won't happen any sooner as i'm enjoying every single moments right now.   I was crying myself to sleep for a holiday since there's a lot going on my mind, mostly about him. I know you're going through some rough patches now but I am sure you can endure this. A strong man, you are. I know I cannot help you much but all I can do is being there for you and give you all the moral support that you need. I'm sorry for being so helpless.