Not your cup of tea

We are definitely a foolish when it comes to love. You can't make yourself stop wanting to do dumb things when you have fallen hard for someone. You even let your guard down but all they do is taking advantage of you being calm and soft and that is so fucked up. You are trying so hard not to create a scene because you know at the end of every arguments, you're the one that is hurting. You try not to weep when you find something that breaks your heart. There's nothing you can do when you have no power over them. You are nobody and whenever you ask them about it, it will always be ended up with "we aren't a couple so you have no right to ask me about this or even question me about this" kind of situation. What else can you do? You know that you are an option and what they say is true. You can't argue if they do something that hurts you so bad because you are the one who has fallen in love, not them.  You feel hopeless and worthless. It's so hard

I don't really know where to start. There's too many emotions bottled up inside and I can't even tell anyone. It's not that I don't have anyone but for what? Everyone has their own stuffss on their plate and why would I be a burden by pouring my heart over small stuffs.  I just wanna be appreciated. That's all i ask. I was in a serious relationship 3 years back. I thought that it was the last but I was too naive, I guess. You can try and fix the relationship as hard as you can but it can't never be enough if you are the only one struggling to fix it. Trust me. I really thought that if I let this go, if I give up on this relationship there's no one out there would love me the way he did despite all those abusive stuffs he did. I quit my job, I was enjoying my life so much, drinking, flirting around, etc. I went out every night just to forget everything. But, guess what? It was all temporary. I woke up the next day feeling shitty. I blame myself for